Breaking up is never easy but people learn to bounce back. It’s a perceived notion that single parents struggle with parenting tasks. But tables have turned. Many single parents are not just surviving, they are in fact thriving! From actor Sushmita Sen who is often lauded for her boldness in defying societal norms and accepting motherhood (as a single parent) to Karan Johar nurturing his two kids or even Tushar Kapoor. Single parenting or solo parenting seems to be the ongoing trend.Post Breakup Glows“In recent times, many parents are handling breakups and coparenting more effectively than in the past,” says Priya Parulekar, a counsellor from Mumbai. Priya attributes these changes to evolving societal attributes and expectations.A study by Talker Research recently put forth that single-parents who had sailed through rough waters had found remarkable personal and emotional growth. These parents were seen to be flaunting their post-breakup glows.Priya says, “If the breakup was an amicable one and there is mutual understanding between the parents, the transition is a lot smoother.” Breakups don’t have to always be ugly. The transition period for such parents could range from jumping into solo parenting (from co-parenting), juggling chores, homework, meals or even self-care needs.Road to Love 2.0Being a single parent means wearing multiple hats. 54% of the respondents in the Talker Research reported being approached by potential dates. This means that nurturing a kid and dating needn’t be at loggerheads. However, many single parents may take longer to get comfortable and fit into their dating shoes again. The research suggests it takes over a month or more for single parents to get back into the mood and space for romance post breakups. Single parents should prioritize their well-being.Arpita Jaisingh, a Counselling Psychologist & Educator says, “Single parents can also consider engaging in social and cultural groups or pursue hobbies for self-care”. Arpita opines that visiting places that heal or uplift one’s mood or invest in upskilling be it with art, music, cooking or anything could serve as a boost to one’s mental well-being.The ChecklistDr C. Veerender, a Psychologist & CEO of You & Me Counselling Centre from Hyderabad says that being a single parent could be challenging, both for the child as well as the parent. While parents usually make peace with reality, it’s the child that is left with many unanswered questions. For instance, ‘why is my other parent not present during family gatherings or parent-teacher meets?’ or ‘why don’t both of my parents spend as much time as they did before?’This forms a part of the child’s internal questioning system. There’s a lot that could be happening in his external surroundings. Dr Veerender says, “There could be instances of teasing or bullying that could weigh down upon a child.”It is important that single parents stay connected with their kids especially during such a transition period post separation.Many single parents feel overwhelmed while explaining their breakup situation to the kids. Arpita says, “Single parents must have a pragmatic approach where they present the truth to their children with a soft touch.” She opines that financial independence is a core asset at such times. So that such parents can cater to the needs of their children as well as to their own needs.The Road AheadWhile parenting can be a juggling task, redefining one’s approach and having that accommodated with your child may help. Even if most single parents seem to have nailed the core essentials of parenting (as per the Talker Research), there could be instances of parents reaching a dead-end in trying to manage it all.Priya says, “The correct approach starts by prioritizing the child’s well-being along with effective communication.”Such goals are achieved better by first acknowledging the reality of the situation at hand. One can start by processing emotions or by seeking therapy but most importantly by separating partner and parent roles. As single parents continue to flaunt their post breakup goals, it’s important they bear these minor additions in mind!
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