“That’s the right word. All my characters live inside me — their bruises, their quirks. I’ve never been able to cast them out. Perhaps that’s why actors like me grow reclusive. We absorb so much, and when the acting stops, we want nothing more than to sit in a corner and observe.” For Manoj, it’s a sacrifice — of identity and self, in a way, but one he embraces willingly. “The joys of acting are worth the cost. I know I’m a more dedicated actor than a parent. I know I’m better on a movie set than at home. Thankfully, my family understands this.”Manoj’s journey has been one of constant reinvention. Around the time of Gangs of Wasseypur, he felt trapped by the industry’s tendency to offer him ‘carbon copies’ of his previous roles.He had turned 40 recently and had grown disappointed, waiting for scripts that would allow him to blossom as an actor. Desperate for meaningful work, he began seeking out promising directors (from YouTube work), many of whom had no mainstream credentials. “Eventually, I found Kanu Behl, Devashish Makhija, Dipesh Jain, whose Gali Guleiyan remains one of my most challenging roles…” With their help, he discovered parts of himself as an actor, parts he always knew existed. That’s why his frustration with the current state of indie cinema is so palpable. “Indie cinema seemed to be thriving a few years ago, but now, we have hit rock bottom again.Even OTT platforms aren’t as welcoming anymore; weren’t they supposed to be the vistas of better cinema? Indie cinema is the lifeblood of the art form. Without it, cinema becomes only a business, and we, as a culture, stop growing.” Yet, Manoj remains hopeful. “Indie cinema will rise again; it has to.”The tempting roads of stardom have waylaid many a promising actor, but despite mass popularity and acclaim, Manoj has shown remarkable resistance to the charms of stardom. “Thank you for noticing that,” he said, lighting up. “I think I love other things too much — like strolling in a market to buy vegetables. That gives me more joy than selfies with strangers. Even for a photo, I don’t enjoy the attention or people getting too close to me; even my wife isn’t that close!” he joked.On a serious note, he explained his aversion to the isolation that comes with internalising so many characters, that comes with carrying as much fictional baggage. “If I black out my car windows, how will I see the people? Stardom thrives in mystery and secrecy. But for an actor like me, it’s important to see people. It’s crucial to know their lives. As an actor, I need to be a fly on the wall — present, but invisible.”
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